Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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