Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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