They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
