I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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