I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
