yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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