you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
