I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
