It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
