I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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