So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were trust falling into bushes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
