Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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