How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
