he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize