don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
