I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
