I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
