Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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