Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
