How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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