i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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