Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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