Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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