i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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