Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
