i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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