I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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