i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
