The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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