just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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