Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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