when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
