I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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