do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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