Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
