I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
