Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
