I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
