If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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