Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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