dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
