I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
