she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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