Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
