I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
