I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
