New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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