They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
