somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Farmville is her only friend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
