epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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