somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
