You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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