oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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