You're my little dorito
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
