she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
