i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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