When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
