she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
