the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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