Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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