I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
