I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
