So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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