At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
