the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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