Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
