i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
