I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
