another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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