Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
