Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
