you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
