Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
