I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
