can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
