so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
