Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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