I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
