i just google imaged poop.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
