I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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