You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
