What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
