Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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