Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
