I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
